The relationship between a parent and
a child is among the most significant in a person’s life. As one of the
earliest connections a child has, the parental relationship sets the bar for
everyone thereafter. Positive parent-child bonds foster autonomy, curiosity,
self-esteem and better decision-making skills. Improve your relationship with
your child by getting involved with their lives and building stronger
communication. Also, learn how to adapt your parent-child relationship with
time.
BEING INVOLVED
Get on their level. You can
enrich the relationship you have with your child by connecting with them in an
age-appropriate way. Teach, work on projects, and play on a level that your
child is familiar with. This helps them bond with you and makes you seem more
approachable.
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If you have a
toddler, get on the floor and build a city out of blocks. If you have older
adolescents or teens, join in on a round of video games.
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You are more
likely to spark conversation during these types of activities than by trying to
get them talking at the dinner
Emphasize the importance of family
time. While your
children need to know that you acknowledge and respect their individuality, it
also counts when you uplift the family as a unit. Make family time a regular
and special part of your routine.[2]
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Eat meals
together most nights of the week, and have everyone share their peaks and pits
(i.e. best and worst moments) of the day. Go to sporting events, movies, or
community gatherings together.
Dedicate one-on-one time for each
child. Spending
time together as a unit is essential. You should also set aside time to focus
on each individual child. Prioritizing one-on-one time helps you form a
connection with each child. Plus, it also helps you focus on each child’s
individual strengths and talents.
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Find a shared
hobby to engage in with each of your children. Maybe you will teach one kid how
to fish on weekends. Or, work with another on perfecting a piano performance.
Free up part of your weekly schedule to build a special relationship with each
child
Stay in
touch with academics, friendships, and extra-curricular. Parents who have good relationships with their
children are involved with their lives. You can’t expect to have a strong bond
with your children if you simply say “good morning” and “good night” each day.
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It’s
understandable that you’re busy juggling work and other responsibilities, but
you should also make an effort to get to know your kids and learn about what’s
happening in their lives.
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If you have
some free time, offer to volunteer at school, coach a softball game, or meet
with your children’s teachers regularly to stay updated on their academic
performance.
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Sit down with
them as they do homework. Help them practice their lines for the school play.
Invite your kids’ friends over so you know what kind of influences they are
around
Kids around. Let your kids know that things don’t always have to be so
serious between you. Of course, you want them to respect your authority, but
you also want to laugh with them. A sense of fun can liven up their lives and
build fond memories.
- Make crazy faces or
noises to supplement mealtimes or playtime with smaller children. Act
silly with adolescents by pulling pranks or telling jokes.
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Maintaining Positive Communication
Be trustworthy. As a parent, it's important
that you build a foundation of trust. Trust translates too many roles in
parenting. Of course, your child needs to know that they can rely on you to be
there. When you say you’ll do something, do it. Keep your word. This helps your
child form basic secure attachments that will influence future relationships.
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However, trust
also means respecting your child’s need for privacy and keeping their
confidences when they do share with you.[6]
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Trust doesn’t
necessarily mean you believe whatever your child says, but it does mean you’ll
try and give them the benefit of the doubt.
Practice active listening without distractions. Parents are busy. But, you also want to make
sure your children know that you care about what they have to say. Even if your
child is complaining about the same issue at school or going on and on about
teenage drama, try to give them your full attention. When you actively listen,
you strengthen your bond with your child and demonstrate their importance to
you.
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Silence your
phone and shut off the TV. Don’t zone them out in order to prepare your
response. Truly listen to your child and try to understand their message. Turn
to face them. Make eye contact. Use open body language. Listen without judgment or negative facial
expressions.
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Once they’re
finished speaking, summarize what you heard. For instance, your daughter says,
“All the girls at school are going to this camp-out next weekend. But, we have
to go to that stupid wedding.” You might say, “It sounds like you are
frustrated because you can’t attend the camp-out.
Follow the 3 F’s of effective parenting. Every child pushes the envelope a bit
when it comes to communication and behavior. However, as the adult, you are
must be inclined to respond maturely and calmly to misconduct. Go by the 3 F’s
to help you with discipline and protect the overall parent-child relationship.
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Be firm. State
what the consequences are and apply them consistently.
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Be fair. Make
sure the punishment fits the crime. Try to avoid harsh or excessive
consequences.
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Be friendly.
Convey your words in steady yet polite tone. Avoid raising your voice. Simply
explain what terms they violated and lay out the consequences. Also, take time
to praise them when they are doing well
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Have relaxed
side-by-side conversations. Adolescents
and teens can easily become intimidated with too much face-to-face
communication. Reduce the pressure by planning some of your talks in a parallel
position. Try asking your son about bullying at school when driving him to
rugby practice. Ask your daughter about her new love interest when you are
baking in the kitchen.
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Use this time
to really get to know your child, including their interests, preferences,
hobbies, etc. Share your own interests, likes, and background with your child
too.
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Emphasize any
similar interests you both may share. Your child is more likely to engage and
open up when talking in this way.[
Changing the Relationship over Time
Review rules and increase privileges as your
children get older. As your
children age, it’s important to review your rules and guidelines and change
them as needed. Children need to see that you trust them with more
responsibility as they age. However, this also may translate to more serious
consequences when they break the rules.
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Encourage
cooperation by sitting down with your children and discussing the rules. You
might say, “It seems like you haven’t had any problem sticking to your 9pm
curfew. Since you’re older, I think we’ll extend that by an hour. How does that
sound?
Include them in decisions. The feeling a teen gets when their parent
genuinely wants their opinion is priceless. Many parents just bark out
decisions instead of letting their kids play a role. However, as your children
become teenagers and young adults, it can give them a sense of autonomy to
offer forth their opinions.
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Allow older
children to weigh in on more decisions like choosing clothes, meals,
activities, or vacation plans. You might ask their opinion about handling
family matters to show you respect their point-of-view.
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For example,
you might say, "Jackson, what's your suggestion for this week's family
movie night?" or "Where would you like to go for summer break?"
Encourage your
child to take on challenges and find independence. When your child has a strong relationship with
you, they feel empowered to go out into the world and take on challenges. Be a
supporter for your child, pushing them to develop greater self-efficacy over
time.
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This may
translate into allowing your teenager to handle their own laundry to read them
for college life. However, it may also involve empowering your child to stand
up to bullies or speak up (respectfully) to a teacher who gave them an unfair
grade.
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Empowerment
happens through gradual instruction. Teach your child how to take on more
demanding chores or tasks. Role-play with them through stressful social
situations. Then, give them feedback to encourage future progress.
Open up and show your human side. As your children mature, it’s okay to relax the
parent hat a little and let them get a glimpse of the person underneath. In
fact, showing your kids your human side can actually reinforce lessons. Use
personal, age-appropriate stories to drive home ways your kids can learn and
grow.
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For instance,
if you were bullied in school, share that with your child and explain how you
got through it. They look at you as being strong and invincible because of how you
overcame bullying